Warning: today is not a typical blog day. This is kind of a selfish post, that is more so for me to vent, get my thoughts together and work out some sort of plan. You aren't going to find a recipe or a fun workout on this post. It's something I needed to get out there, so feel free to skip over this one and come back later for something more upbeat and exciting later on!
Before I get into my focus for this morning, a little background...
I know I'm not the only one that can look back and pinpoint that one time when I was in the absolute best shape of my life. It was the summer before my senior year of college. Coming off of a very successful Junior year at the plate (I played softball at Marshall), I wanted to end my college career with a bang. I had a goal that summer to get leaner, faster, stronger and in the best shape I could possibly get so that I could leave everything on the field senior season with absolutely no regrets.
And while my senior season wasn't everything I hoped for, I certainly worked my tail off for every hit, and great play that I made. I went into that Fall season at a lean and STRONG, 121 pounds (I'm 5'2'') and felt amazing. My body fat was probably about 15%. My whole goal was to drop fat and essentially cut weight without losing any strength. A lot of times when we cut weight we tend to get weaker, however I told myself if/when that happened, I would know I was at my goal weight and wouldn't push it any further. However, it never did and I was happy staying right around there between 120-123.
Growing up, I feel like I hit my normal weight around 10th grade and stayed at it throughout my college career- 136. This is the weight my body liked being at. That was where I stayed without counting calories, without crazy workouts, just normal, active and burning the calories I did from lifting and training for softball. I remember at the start of that great summer, I weighed 141 pounds. I had taken a couple weeks off from workouts after my junior season to let myself recuperate from a 60 game season. I was also struggling with a bit of an ankle issue that kept me sidelined from a lot of cardio.
So when I was in the best shape of my life, I had shed a total of 20 pounds to get to that 121. Now, as you guys know, I am not someone who believes people should focus on a scale but rather body composition and how their clothes fit and how they physically feel. I just wanted to point these numbers out to kind of get an idea of where I was at when I was most successful. I felt so amazing at that weight. I could run, (fastest ever mile time) I was strong, and I was playing well. I didn't look skinny, just lean and fit. Exactly what I strive for.
Well, my College career ended with a broken rib and a torn meniscus. Grad school started, 60+ hour work weeks started, Masters thesis started....Meniscus surgery was followed by a broken vertebrae and the diagnosis of osteopenia at age 25. Training certainly decreased for almost a year and I was glued to a recumbent bike as my only option for exercising. This is when I started getting away from the great body I had worked so hard for.
As graduation approached, job applications and interview processes were hugely stressful, as was moving to a brand new city in which I didn't know a soul. I spent the next 6 months in a position that certainly helped my journey to a happier place in my career, but it was one that I didn't love to be at every day. That was tough for me. I am passionate about what I do, and not feeling completely content at work ultimately left me feeling unfulfilled. Moving over to Porters Neck has been the greatest choice I have made for my career since graduating. Of course a new job is always stressful regardless, even when you love it. Unfortunately, I'm not the type of person who doesn't eat or have a beer when I'm stressed out. In fact I do the exact opposite.
So there's my story, of how I have gotten into now the highest number I've ever seen on a scale, feeling crappy about myself despite my better eating habits as of late and just unhappy with my self and where I'm at with my own training regime. My job is going great, I don't have to go to class anymore, I can have a life and spend time with my dogs now, yet there is still that missing piece. Although I know I sound motivated when I'm writing my blogs, I am passionate about sharing with others, but lately, not so passionate about sharing with myself.
I want, very badly to get back to something close to where I was at that summer. I certainly do not want to keep going at the rate I am now or I will find myself extremely unhappy. Finding motivation for yourself when your job is to motivate others can be so tough sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I am so very grateful and love what I do. But I also want to be that person, who practices what I preach and has the body to prove that I know what I am talking about.
I've let myself get off track and now, I want so badly to be able to say, "I am in the best shape of my life, right now." Does that mean getting down to a certain weight? Not necessarily. I want to be at a healthy weight, not putting myself at risk for ammenorhea, and furthering my osteoperosis risk, fueling myself with a healthy diet and have energy and zest for life!
When people come in for nutrition consultations with me, one of the first things I ask them is, "tell me about what you were doing, at the most successful time in your life." (Success as related to their health). So now I am going to evaluate the things I was doing right, when I was at my most successful.
The Facts
1. I conditioned with the football team 5 mornings a week at 6am. This was mostly sprint training or speed/agility work followed by a strength training session. I was always in an out in time for class at 8 so I'd say I probably worked out for about 90 minutes each morning.
2. I ate my first meal on my way to class with coffee. It was usually something like toast with peanut butter and a half black coffee/half cappuccino.
3. I counted my calories. I tried to stay between 1200-1500 per day.
4. As long as I stayed within my calorie range, I pretty much ate what I wanted to. I would say my diet consisted of a lot of carbs in the form of whole wheat bread, some vegetables, a little protein from peanut butter and a lot of cheese quesadillas. Oh, and a lot of diet pop.
5. After class I would either study or go kick around a soccer ball with my, at the time, soccer playing boyfriend.
6. I did a nice, easy, steady state 3 mile run every evening, or ran stadiums around the football field.
7. On weekends, I slept in, ran a couple miles first thing in the morning, typically had one or two meals and saved my calories for beer. (I was still in college!) I'm being honest here.
Analysis
Here's what I did really well:
1. My workouts. Splitting up workouts between morning and evening boosts metabolism, increases performance during workouts which essentially allows you to burn more calories and keeps your insulin levels low. Keeping insulin levels low is key to decreasing our risk for fat storage.
2. I always meticulously tracked my food intake.
3. I ate often.
4. I stayed within my calorie range most days of the week.
5. Consistency with my workouts was another huge thing. If I ever skipped, it would have been that evening run when I was just exhausted or had to take the extra time to study. (I was in chem II and microbiology that summer...not fun!)
6. I kept myself busy which kept me from eating out of boredom or graizing throughout the day.
Here's what I could have done better:
1. I was not eating enough to support my workouts. I was trying to cut fat but I probably could have done it slower, rather than losing the 20 pounds in basically about a month and a half. I should have stayed around 1500-1700 and took my time to lose the weight over 2-3 months. At the time I did not realize but I was developing ammenorhea and actually ended up developing the female athlete triad which has since led me to the development of osteopenia or pre-osteoperosis at such a young age. I'm not going to go into detail about what the female athlete triad entails, but if you are interested, click the link. This was likely due to the fact that I was not eating enough nutrients to support my training.
2. I did NOT consume enough protein, fruits or vegetables.
3. I also should have drank a lot more water.
So, whats my plan?
This is going to be hard. It's not going to be easy. But if I can do it, it most certainly will be worthwhile. This is something I really need to do for myself, so that I can be better at loving myself, and essentially- loving other people better.
1. I'm going to start tracking my food intake and hit my calorie mark every day. As soon as I do these calculations, I will vary them each day to keep my body guessing. So when I check my BMR, if I need 1500 calories, I would take in 1700-1800 three days a week and 1200-1400 four days a week.
2. I'm going to keep a water bottle glued to my side.
3. I'm going to limit myself to 1 alcoholic beverage per week, on a non-strength training day.
4. I am going to do 30 minutes of cardio every day before work. On my off days, I am going to ride my bike with my bike club both mornings.
5. I am going to strength train on my days off, as well as 2 other times per week for a total of 4 sessions.
6. I will attend at least 4 yoga classes a week.
7. I will schedule all of these in my calendar one week in advance and treat them as appointments that I am unable to miss for any reason. The one thing I will say- I'm not a fan of riding my new bike in the rain, so if it happens to be raining on a ride day, I will make up for that with some other form of cardio until I have an indoor trainer.
8. I'm going to continue to form my meals around fruits in the morning, vegetables in the afternoon and evening but be certain to add in protein every time I eat.
9. I'm going to look into a couple supplements, but I need to do a lot more research on that before I choose anything.
Lofty goals, eh? All in all, I just am not happy with where stress and lack of making time and effort to pay attention to my food intake and motivation during workouts has gotten me. I weigh more than I ever have and it's not about the number, but how I feel and my workout performance that bothers me.
I need to get better and I need this for myself, as well as to continue to be able to provide all my fitties out there with the motivation they need to keep working so hard!!! Part of doing this post was to get it all documented, get a chance to vent and also, help keep myself accountable. Now you all know about it, and know I am human just like each and every one of you. Just another girl, on her journey to staying healthy and happy!
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