Hitting the Pavement

Those of you who are especially close to me know I have been MEGA stressed lately. When I'm stressed I don't sleep well. Guided meditations help me to fall asleep but I wake up a lot and basically end up with a rough few weeks-months worth of "sleep." Outside of snuggling The Fitness Pups as much as they will possibly take from me, the only other activities that help me right now are exercising, praying and meditating. As far as exercise, it would make sense that running and yoga are my go-to's for stress relief. At 2am this morning, after laying exhausted but wide awake until 3:30, a yoga class clearly wasn't an option so I laced up my sneakers and hit the pavement. 

Do you guys ever have those times when you feel like God is literally just sitting back giggling at how ridiculous you look when you try to carry out your own plans without Him? Well this morning when I headed out for my run, I had no idea that when I hit the pavement I was literally... going to hit the pavement. I'm laughing about it now but as I fell, and I mean fell hard, at 4am in the morning, in the dark, on a main road in Wilmington, I had to just crawl to the curb and sit there for second. As I sat with my head in my hands praying that I could just cry this one out, begging for just a single tear to get me started, I stood up and just had to laugh at myself. 

My life is beginning to form a new chapter in many ways and I consistently lose sight of the fact that I have not even 1%, not an inkling of control over it. Knowing that I will get through it, I think God literally is just sitting back watching this funny sitcom that is my life. I can hear Him saying to me, "When the heck are you gonna figure this out, Sofie? My plan is the only plan. Trust me." 

My family and I like to joke about a particularly funny story in which we were all together building gingerbread houses, the Christmas after I had graduated with my Masters Degree in Exercise Physiology. I was so proud as I put together my adorable little house but was a bit confused as to which pieces were the sides of the house and which were the roof as they were very similar. Although my mom tried to offer some guidance, I said to her, "Mom, I have a Masters Degree, I think I can build a gingerbread house!" Well, what do you know, about two minutes later it completely caved in. 

This morning as I sat on the curb I was reminded of that story. No matter how intelligent, experienced, wise, etc we are, we are not God. I can get 10 more certifications and a PhD and I still would never be able to do any of it without Him, His guidance and His will. What I think is best for my life, Masters Degree and all, is typically so very far from God's plan for me. My only saving grace is the fact that He also gifted me with a good bit of resilience, toughness and the best support system I could ever ask for in my family and friends. 

I can't tell you how many times in the last week, the words "the struggle is real" has come out of my mouth. This morning it turned into, "the struggle is the realest!" Then I saw the bigger picture, or just the small amount of what was revealed to me as the bigger picture. The struggle will always be tough and very real if you try to go at anything alone. God is on our side, His plan is the best plan and learning to trust Him and let go...now that is the real struggle I need to focus on.